Men’s Relationship Therapy in Arlington, VA

Why seek counseling for relationships and dating?

Dating Anxiety

Traditionally, men have taken a more of avoidant role in relationships. This could look like shutting down, distancing from their partners, not showing affection, criticism, a string of failed relationships and acting hyper independent.

This dynamic is shifting and constraints on how men relate are softening. Now, men are struggling just as often as women are with their own anxieties about relationships, needs for closeness, and fear of abandonment. They’re also doing this without guidance on how to manage these anxieties. Rather than shutting down, some guys may find themselves overly preoccupied with romantic interactions: checking their phone repeatedly for a text, ruminating over a date’s behavior, or being hesitant about showing too much interest or feelings of any type.

Sex, Porn Problems

In addition to emotional uncertainty, men are also trying to make sense of increasingly complex dynamics around sexuality, particularly related to pornography use. As primary consumers of online pornography with no education on how porn usage might affect them, many men find that it unintentionally impacts their romantic relationships in a number of ways:

• Watching too much porn might desensitize men to their partners. As a result, they could have a harder time maintaining an erection or reaching orgasm.

• While some partners are okay with porn usage and able to communicate openly, others encounter conflict when one feel it’s a betrayal that’s been hidden. What one might see as a porn addiction, the other sees as a harmless sexual release. These differences in expectations around and values often go unspoken early on and may surface later as conflict in the relationship.

• Even when they know their partner dislikes their porn usage and would like to discontinue, men can find it hard to stop watching porn because it’s a habit, distraction, or way to cope with boredom or stress.

Improving Communication with a Partner, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Spouse

Many men come to therapy not because they don’t care about their partner, but because they’re unsure how to communicate in a way that over the long term increases connection and closeness rather than conflict. Common struggles men face when expressing themselves in dating and relationships are:

• Reactivity to a partner’s emotions might cause shutdowns, defensiveness, or escalations

• Struggling to express needs and boundaries without guilt or passive-aggression

• Changing unhealthy relationship dynamics modeled by parents, previous partners, friends, or siblings