Healthy Gaming, Anxiety, and Relationships: What Young Men in Arlington Need to Know
I have a loose rule that once I get recommended a book twice, I’ll check it out on Amazon. Recently, that book has been The Healthy Gamer by Dr. Alok Konjia. If it were a competition, The Healthy Gamer is the runaway winner in pop psychology literature covering gaming.
The book is technically written for parents worried about kids playing too many video games. But in the circles of men in their 20s and 30s, it’s become a kind of self-help guide. For some, it’s just curiosity about one of their hobbies. For others, it feels like a substitute for therapy, especially for those wrestling with anxiety, relationship struggles, and the role video games play in their daily lives.
The Problem with Framing Video Games just as a Problem
Just like with porn usage, sports gambling, or high-risk trading, there was never a “responsible video gaming 101” class in school. Nobody taught young men how to understand, regulate, and enjoy these activities, let alone how to talk about them openly. And yet, these topics often matter far more to young men than a second year of French class or high school calculus.
With unlimited gaming opportunities and little education on the emotional impact of gaming, it’s no surprise that a book like The Healthy Gamer has gained traction. Even though Dr. K, the author, celebrates gaming and explains why a game like Halo can be so captivating, his overall approach leans toward harm reduction. The book asks questions like: How do we cut down on video game usage? How do we help kids stop playing so much?
That perspective is useful and needed, but what if there’s another way forward?
A Bottom-Up Approach to Gaming
Think about how you learned to cook for the first time. No one started you off by saying, “Here’s what you shouldn’t do.” Instead, you probably had a hands-on experience. You experimented, failed, improved, and discovered what worked.
What if we approached gaming the same way? Instead of framing it only as a problem to reduce, what if young men learned the tools to:
Recognize how gaming positively and negatively affects mood, sleep, and anxiety
Build awareness of when gaming strengthens friendships versus when it isolates
Use gaming intentionally, rather than as an escape from difficult emotions or relationship issues
This isn’t about quitting gaming forever. It’s about learning how to integrate it into life in a way that supports mental health and relationships, instead of undermining them.
When Gaming Becomes a Way to Cope with Anxiety and Relationship Struggles
For many men in their 20s and 30s, gaming isn’t just entertainment, it’s a way to manage stress or numb out from anxiety and conflict in relationships. After a fight with a partner, a tough day at work, or the weight of social pressure, disappearing into a game feels like relief.
But over time, like Dr. K points out in the healthy gamer, this coping mechanism can backfire:
Hours of gaming replace opportunities to connect with partners or friends
Anxiety increases when real-world responsibilities pile up
Relationship tension worsens when a partner feels ignored or shut out
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many men in Arlington and across Northern Virginia face these exact challenges.
Therapy for Men Struggling with Anxiety, Relationships, and Gaming
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How can I stop playing video games so much?” or “Why does gaming matter more to me than my relationships right now?”—it may be time to explore counseling.
Therapy can help you:
Understand the role gaming plays in your life
Manage anxiety in healthier ways
Improve communication in your relationships
Build habits that align with your goals instead of keeping you stuck
Gaming itself isn’t the enemy. It’s about how you use it and whether it helps or hurts your growth.
Taking the Next Step
If you’re a man in your 20s or 30s living in Arlington, VA and struggling with anxiety, relationship issues, or video game overuse, know that support is available and you can connect with a male therapist whose played a fair share of games himself (my favorites were the NCAA football series on Xbox and the og Call of Duty). Counseling gives you the space to understand yourself better, make lasting changes, and create the kind of relationships and lifestyle you actually want. Please reach out if you’d like to learn more about how therapy with me could help you improve your relationship with video games.
