Men’s self-esteem in your 20s and 30s: Why it dips and how to recover.
Therapy for Men’s Self Esteem Issues in Arlington, VA
You deserve a stronger foundation
You’ve likely had moments when you feel like an impostor even when you’ve got into a good school, started a company, received a promotion, won praise for your poetry, got your dream job or built an amazing network of friends and relationships. No matter what the award, the reward feels more self doubt and skepticism.
Some men are confused by how their self-esteem begin to stumble. Questions about your value and competency show up in the form of comparing yourself to others, holding back in relationships, fear of failure, or numbing out via habits that feel safer than vulnerability.
Low self-esteem often turns into a soft background noise in your head that you might not even paying much attention to because you’re so normalized to the sound.
If you’re a man in your 20s or 30s and this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. I understand how self-esteem issues often intertwine with anxiety, relationship conflict, and identity and I’ve been trained (and enjoy) helping men strengthen their sense of self. We can and will unpack your low self-esteem so it’s not always weighing you down.
What does low self-esteem look like for men?
While everyone’s experience is slightly different, here are some signs that often show up for men:
You feel like your value depends on what you accomplish (work, salary, fitness, body image).
You avoid taking emotional risks (opening up, being vulnerable) to protect yourself.
Criticism or rejection hits harder than you expect.
You feel constantly judged and wanting to be liked by others.
You over rely on external validation to feel okay.
In relationships, you struggle to ask for what you need or believe you deserve respect.
You might fake confidence outwardly, but inside you carry doubt, shame, or fear.
These are not character flaws. They are survival strategies that once helped you cope or protect yourself. But over time, they limit your growth, your connection, and your peace of mind. Untreated, low self-esteem can lead to depression in men.
How therapy can help you rediscover and rebuild your self-worth
Many men come into therapy weighed down by unspoken, old beliefs like “I have to be perfect to matter” or “I’ve failed and my confidence won’t come back.” The act of simply saying aloud some of these voices can dissipate some of their power. Together, we’ll explore where those messages came from and how well they serve you now.
Beyond evaluating helpful or not helpful our beliefs are, often we have a negativity bias that leads us to discard positive counterexamples about ourselves. Remember when that boss said you we’re one of the top people they’ve worked with or that girlfriend who loved how sensitive you were.
Imagine if we spent an equal amount of time inventorying our wins as we did our losses. Imagine we spent just 10% of the time encouraging ourselves as we do criticizing ourselves.
The purpose of our sessions isn’t to replace critical voices with a rainbows-unicorn self narrative. The purpose is to develop a more balanced perspective of yourself and to reinforce this more realistic self worth by trying out more adaptive thoughts, behaviors and self talk. Just this minor of a shift can lead to a breakthrough in your self-esteem.
Starting therapy is easy
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Get in touch by filling out this quick form here.
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We’ll schedule a time to chat and make sure we’re a great fit.
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Start therapy and begin feeling more at ease and confident in your life.
Hi I’m Ben, a business operations manager turned resident in counseling
Chances are I used to (and sometimes still do) feel anxious like you do. Prior to counseling, I worked full-time in operations for nearly 10 years at companies like Uber and Gartner. During this time I was often exhausted, disconnected, and anxiously wondering if I’d ever find work that actually mattered to me. It took some proverbial soul-searching, but I finally figured out one of my core gifts is to find gifts in others.
So I switched gears, scaled back from full-time to contracting work in operations, went to school for counseling and put some blind faith in the universe that things would work out, even if I didn’t know when or how.
I’ve spent the past five years supporting young professionals through career coaching and counseling, and I now focus on supporting men in their twenties and thirties uncover what they really want, shift their mindset, and set intentional goals to create a life they actually look forward to. If there’s even the smallest part of you whispering “Enough - I’m ready to change” I’ve got the tools, structure, and support to help you make it happen. Let’s take a shot at building a life you’re genuinely excited about.
★★★★★
“I can’t recommend highly Ben enough.
His unique blend of thoughtfulness, passion, and sense of humor creates an environment where healing feels both accessible and uplifting.”
- Julia Slatkin, Psychologist, PHD